The "I Had a Dream" Speech

I just wrote this email to Nicki, and I thought I would share it with everyone.

Hi Nicki,

I just wanted to email you to tell you about my dream last night! It was freaky! You, Andrea, and I were going to be on Conan O'Brien for some reason (I think his original guest cancelled and I think Andrea got us on there with her unbelievable connections) but we were all covered in mud, so we had to quickly clean up, but we all had to pee first. You had this new way of peeing, which included standing up next to the toilet, bending over and putting your hands in the toilet water, and then I guess you had a really high-pressure urethra, because from that bending over position, you were able to make it to the toilet just by spraying it out. However, your urethra was so strong that it was pushing your pee all the way past the toilet into the next stall, which is where I was peeing, and I was doing it the normal way, and your pee was getting all over me. I was pretty mad. I yelled at you, I think, and I screamed, "You're peeing on my face!!!!!!!!"

I wonder if this was caused by

• The story about your nannying charge who peed on his face
• The story about Steve peeing on his face when he was little
• Your ability to be peeing within a second of walking in the bathroom, which I was always amazed by
• The fact that I kind of had to pee a little when I fell asleep
• Got any other ideas?

Anyway, you're still peeing normally, right?

Love,
Emily

PS: Do you like my signature? Sammy snuck into my email account and made it after I snuck into his email address and made his signature, "The world is a vampire."

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Exit light, enter night, take my hand, we're off to never never land!